just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's the barista slut.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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