i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
