What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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