i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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