Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
