just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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