I accidentally had phone sex last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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