There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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