I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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