my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
