the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
