A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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