need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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