She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Congratulations! We have a period
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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