I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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