worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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