Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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