By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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