Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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