it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
