he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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