: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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