If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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