so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
FUCK WHALES
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
