I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
