Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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