lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
