I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
