Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
