if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
