Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
