just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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