Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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