I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The Olympian is in my bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
