i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize