I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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