I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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