Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
