DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
