Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
not ubering you a puppy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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