What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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