apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
