Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
