you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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