I think I am morally bankrupt
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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