Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize