Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I want is dick and wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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