What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
