Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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