I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As shirtless as possible
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
