Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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