96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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