Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
