I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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