$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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