Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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