you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
