I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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