That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
