Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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