Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
