I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
