I heard we made out
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
