woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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