Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
