Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
