i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
