Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
