I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
