I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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