apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
