I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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