Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wear drunk well.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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