i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize