It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
