i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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