If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
