Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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