you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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